A number of recent events related to September 11 have revealed for us the impact of grief. Since our society is comprised of people with religions and beliefs from all over the world, we lack a consistent way of responding to death. One thing we all have in common, however, is the need to grieve.

In today's environment we are urged to hurry everything, including grief. We get three days of bereavement leave from work and are expected to resume life without disruption. Most of us are uncomfortable being around someone feeling the pain of grief, as if it were contagious. We want them to just get over it and move on - often so we don't have to feel our own pain from losses we have avoided acknowledging.

The terrible tragedy of September 11 is a collective opportunity for us to develop a deeper awareness and compassion surrounding death and loss. The crash site memorial service in Pennsylvania followed by Rudolph Guiliani's high school commencement speech, the ceremony recognizing the completion of the cleanup of ground zero, the pillars of light, the time capsule in the last stone placed at the Pentagon, candlelight vigils, community gatherings, and the national moment of silence are all healthy ways of collectively honoring the reality that nearly 3,000 lives ended that day.

And yet life continues for all of us, and we all are bereaved. Those we have known and those we have loved continue to live on in our lives in new ways. We carry them with us, and there are times when their absence hurts deeply, other times when the memories are sweet. The best we can do for each other is to let each of us grieve in our own way and to let that be all right. To encourage our own personal and collective rituals that honor important people in our lives who have died. To understand that grieving is part of what it means to be human. To support those individuals who need support.

"Grief takes more than a moment of silence," and this is true for our patients, their friends and family members, our staff, and even ourselves. Fortunately, there are resources available both locally and nationally to help. Locally, Hospice of Charleston offers bereavement programs for children, teens, and adults at various times throughout the year. Details are available online at www.hospiceofcharleston.org. Or, nationally, the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization offers a series of guides that may be of help. These guides are available at www.nhpco.org.

- Written in collaboration with the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization.

October 2002