Candles fight darkness in wake of loss and grief

By Lauren Adderley
The Post and Courier
November 19, 2007

Lamar and Sarah Pruitt lit a candle Sunday night at Colonial Lake for their daughter, Fallon.

She was diagnosed with a terminal brain disease after she was born. Two weeks after bringing their daughter home from the hospital, the Ladson couple met Hospice.

"Any time I needed them - telephone calls, text messages - whatever I needed, they were there," Sarah said.

Fallon was only 11 months and one week old when she passed away this summer. On Sunday night, one of the nurses that had helped the couple through that painful time was with them once again, helping with the grief.

"I look around at all the candle-lit bags and know we're not alone," Lamar said, chin in hand.

More than 1,000 people were remembered at the 19th annual Candlelight Memorial Ceremony, held by Hospice of Charleston for families and friends who have lost loved ones.

After a brief ceremony, survivors walked around the lake with individual candles. As each white bag was lit, clusters of light eventually spread into a ring that symbolized a community of comfort.

For some, the Candlelight Ceremony helps them come to terms with lost loved ones during the holiday season, a difficult time for grieving. Jessica Baynes, who volunteers with Girl Scout Troop No. 385 from West Ashley, is 10 years old. "I do this because I want to help people remember their loved ones," she said. "It helps them feel a little better."

Dede Vergot grieved for her husband, Michael.

"We were married 35 years and I miss him," said Vergot, of Edisto Island. She knelt with eight candles symbolizing loved ones she's lost over the years, including grandparents, friends and her husband.

"I almost didn't come tonight but it's appropriate to come here and remember him," Vergot said. "When we were young, in our 20s, we used to come to this same lake and take pictures of children playing. Such good times but I know that now he's at peace. That gives me consolation."

Josephine B. Youngblood of Adam's Run came out to remember her husband, Leon.

"This ceremony helps me to remember that others are going through it too and they're there for you. People do care," she said, sitting among the row of lit memorials. "Hospice was there for 36 months for Leon. Now, I go to Hospice bereavement sessions and just talking about Leon helps so much."

Youngblood said that Hospice helped her assist her husband through his illness.

"Without Hospice, I could not have done it. I could not lift Leon in and out of bed, but Hospice came with equipment to help with that," she said. "When a person is confined to the bed, it's hard, but he was able to get out and be in the family room. It made his days a little more comfortable."

Stanley Stewart spoke of his brother, who also was named Leon. "Me and him had been through thick and thin together. I will miss him and tonight was a different type of closure, after the church service and burial. It's a different type of peace and I needed it."

"Tonight brought back so many wonderful memories," said Leon's sister Mildred Maxwell, surrounded by family. "It's like he's here with us because remembering him brought the family here together."